The Narrative of the Perfect Mom
Motherhood. It can be such a mindfuck.
And honestly? I’ve had it up to here with the unrealistic expectations and harmful narratives that make us beat ourselves up on the regular. From the pressure to be the "perfect mom" to the endless comparisons on social media, it’s exhausting. It leaves us feeling inadequate, guilty, and like we’re constantly failing.
Here’s the thing: so much of motherhood is about mindset. And I’m never gonna tell you to just “look at the bright side.” But I will tell you this — the way we choose to see our experiences literally changes how we experience them.
One of my favorite quotes (from the Dalai Lama, though I’ve paraphrased for my ADHD brain) is:
“If I can do something about it, why worry? If I can do nothing about it, why worry?”
That’s it. Simple. Brutally honest. Perfect for control-freak neurodivergent mamas like us.
Because here’s the truth: motherhood is HARD. And a lot of the hardest moments come from resisting what’s happening in the now. Baby won’t sleep? You can fight it and get frustrated…or you can accept it, breathe, and adapt. It’s a mindset shift — one that takes practice but is so worth it.
When I was a new mom, I was recovering from miscarriage trauma, adjusting to two IVF miracles, and learning to parent under a cloud of anxiety. Moments like sleepless nights and endless crying could spiral me into panic and frustration. My stress would bleed into my baby, creating a vicious cycle. I was stuck thinking, “I need to get stuff done” — one of society’s toxic narratives — instead of embracing the moment.
And that brings me to the first toxic narrative I want to debunk:
Toxic Narrative #1 — “The Perfect Mother”
We are told, “No one is perfect,” but I’m here to tell you: we are all perfect.
Yes. You. Perfect. And therefore, you are already the perfect mother for your baby. You don’t have to perform, you don’t have to earn it — you simply are.
I first heard this in yoga teacher training decades ago: we are all doing our best at any given moment. Even when we fuck up, we are still learning, still showing up, still perfect. (Okay, my teacher didn’t drop f-bombs, but you get me.)
Your baby chose you. You are uniquely equipped to handle your child in ways no one else could. Your experiences, your instincts, your inner knowing — that’s your parenting superpower. No one else has your lens, and no one else has your baby.
Comparison is natural — it’s hardwired into us. But constant comparison is toxic. Tap into your intuition, your “mom gut,” and trust yourself. Judgment-free. Comparison-free. Guilt-free.
Here’s a story:
My baby was about a month old. I hadn’t showered properly. I hadn’t eaten. I hadn’t slept. My hair was greasy. My outfit was a joke. Baby cried through the car ride to my friend’s house, who had just had her second child. She opened the door looking flawless — hair, makeup, brownies baking, and a sleeping baby in a pristine pack-and-play.
I saw perfection. And immediately, I saw the reflection of my own inadequacy. I hated myself. I felt like a failure.
But here’s the truth: my friend’s “perfect mom” image wasn’t real. And neither is society’s version of perfection. Motherhood is messy, exhausting, and unglamorous — and that’s okay.
When I reflect now — my child is a teenager, I survived, and I learned: self-doubt doesn’t define your ability as a mother. It’s normal, but it doesn’t have to control you.
Your Takeaway
You are doing enough. You are enough. And your baby is lucky to have you.
You deserve:
Love, kindness, and understanding from yourself.
Time to care for your mental, emotional, and physical health.
Practical support, whether that’s from your partner, family, friends, or professional services like South Jersey placenta encapsulation to support postpartum recovery, hormone balance, and milk supply.
Affirmations for the Perfect-Mom Myth
“I release the need to be a perfect mother and embrace my authentic self.”
“I am already the perfect mom for my baby.”
“I’m doing my best, and that’s more than enough.”
“My baby chose me for a reason. We have lessons to learn together.”
“I deserve love, understanding, and kindness.”
Motherhood doesn’t have to be a guilt trip. You don’t have to tackle it alone. With the right mindset, support, and tools, you can navigate postpartum with confidence, calm, and clarity.
I’m Tiff, The Placenta Girl and I’m dedicated to helping new and expecting moms navigate the challenges of the fourth trimester with confidence and support. Curious about how placenta pills can support your recovery, energy, and overall postpartum experience? Click here to learn more and see how placenta encapsulation can help you feel stronger, calmer, and more prepared.
