the Dangers of Maternal Gatekeeping
What I’m about to say might make you spit your coffee, but here it is anyway – sometimes, yes, we moms are partly to blame for our own negative experiences during the fourth trimester.
Hear me out.
In most parenting relationships, the mental, physical, and emotional load lands squarely on one person – usually the mom. And no, I’m not talking about the dudes who think childcare is optional or that women belong barefoot at home. I’m talking about you and your “egalitarian” partner – the one you assumed was in this together, shoulder-to-shoulder.
And yet… somehow, you end up doing everything yourself.
Yep. I did it too. And now I’m divorced. Don’t be like me. Learn from my mistakes.
I was a maternal gatekeeper.
Maternal gatekeeping is when you take on all the parenting and household responsibility, intentionally or not, while shutting your partner out of the process. Maybe it started because you were scared they wouldn’t do it “right.” Maybe it’s because society trained you from birth to believe that women are inherently better at this stuff. Or maybe it’s just a lack of confidence in yourself as a new parent.
Regardless, it sabotages your fourth trimester, your relationship, and your own well-being.
Why We Do It
Society taught us. From Barbies and toy kitchens to “mommy blogs” and Instagram-perfect parents, the message is clear: childcare and household labor = women’s work. Even feminist badasses can fall into the trap.
Fear of judgment. You’ve been told for decades that you’re only “good enough” if you excel at mothering. So you micromanage everything to avoid criticism. Spoiler: you’ll be judged anyway.
Insecurity. You don’t know what you’re doing. You’re new at this. And suddenly, your partner’s attempts at diaper duty feel… not good enough.
The Consequences
Maternal gatekeeping doesn’t just hurt your partner – it hurts you.
Exhaustion: You’re doing 95% of the work. You burn out fast.
Resentment: Your partner feels excluded, undermined, and frustrated.
Missed bonding: Your baby misses out on developing a deep bond with their other parent.
Reinforced societal myths: You’re literally feeding the narrative that childcare is a woman’s job.
The worst part? It’s completely unintentional. You’re doing your best, and yet… chaos happens.
How to Stop Maternal Gatekeeping
Here’s the playbook, in my no-BS style:
Awareness is everything. Reflect on your beliefs, biases, and parenting expectations. Admit where you might be inadvertently shutting your partner out.
Communicate. Talk openly about parenting goals, responsibilities, and decision-making. Create a family mission statement together.
Be a team. Let go of control. Empower your partner to make decisions, do tasks their way, and build their own confidence.
Encourage participation. Share responsibilities, take turns, and create bonding opportunities for your partner and your baby.
Build confidence. Offer guidance without micromanaging. Praise efforts. Celebrate wins.
Be flexible. There’s no single “right way” to parent. Your partner may do things differently, but that’s okay.
Share the load. From diaper duty to laundry, divide tasks fairly from the start.
Lead by example. Show trust and confidence in your partner. If you’re struggling to let go, have the conversation. Awareness without action isn’t enough.
Bonus: Take Care of Your Body With Placenta Encapsulation
Here’s where South Jersey moms can take this to the next level. Placenta pills / placenta encapsulation aren’t just trendy—they’re a practical tool for recovery during the fourth trimester.
Boost energy: The first few weeks are brutal. Placenta pills can help give your body the nutrients it needs to stay functional when you’re running on 2 hours of sleep.
Support hormonal balance: Postpartum hormones can wreak havoc on mood. Placenta encapsulation can help stabilize things naturally.
Aid milk production: Many moms report a smoother breastfeeding experience.
If you’re in South Jersey, you’ve got options—look for local, trusted placenta encapsulation specialists who follow clean, safe preparation methods. Supporting your body in these early months reduces burnout and makes sharing parenting duties more manageable. If your body feels strong, you can let go of control in other areas without feeling like you’re going to collapse.
The Takeaway
Maternal gatekeeping is common. It’s easy to fall into. But it’s also fixable. By sharing responsibilities, communicating openly, and caring for your body with tools like South Jersey placenta pills, you can:
Reclaim your sanity during the fourth trimester.
Strengthen your relationship.
Give your baby multiple strong parental bonds.
Stop the cycle of burnout and guilt.
Motherhood doesn’t have to be a battlefield. Let’s rewrite the narrative. You can thrive, not just survive.
I’m Tiff, The Placenta Girl and I’m dedicated to helping new and expecting moms navigate the challenges of the fourth trimester with confidence and support. Curious about how placenta pills can support your recovery, energy, and overall postpartum experience? Click here to learn more and see how placenta encapsulation can help you feel stronger, calmer, and more prepared.
