The Neurodivergent Pregnancy Workshop
The Birth Workshop That Speaks Our Language
When I found myself in the hospital at 22 weeks and 2 days pregnant, I was blindly hopeful. I mean, I’m not sure but I don’t think that's a “normal response,” right? Like, “normal” people don't have their water break in the middle of their sixth-grade social studies class, go home on their prep period to change their pants, and go back to work to continue teaching.
But that’s what I did. I was calm. I wasn't freaking out. Like, at all. I just believed my baby would be okay.
The Misunderstood "Quirky" Chick
I was thinking about this the other day in relation to my journey of discovering a few years ago that I’m ADHD and Autistic. And I’m just really confused about how no one ever noticed or thought that maybe something was up with me.
People often said I was "quirky" or "brave" – usually this was said after I said something that was probably obnoxious – but I didn't realize it was obnoxious... I was just being honest.
I was always the weird one, never really fitting anywhere. I was sort of borderline with every group I ever tried to attach myself to. I was misunderstood and I misunderstood others, and I never shut up and I never let anyone finish a sentence.
I was loud. Aggressive. Opinionated. Annoying.
So yeah, it's mind-boggling to me that I spent 49 years flying under the radar. But then again, I am a woman and I was born in 1973, so I guess that makes sense.
The Undiagnosed Reality
A recent CDC report found that “sixty-one percent of women received their ADHD diagnosis during adulthood, compared to 40 percent of men. One-quarter of women received an ADHD diagnosis before age 11, compared to 45 percent of men.”
I am not the only woman out here who’s gone undiagnosed as a neurodivergent person - whether it be ADHD, autism, or both (AuDHD). There's a lot of us out here, that’s for sure.
Neurodivergent folks lack support in all aspects of our lives. And women in general )neurotypicals included) lack support in all areas of the perinatal experience … in the US, at least. We're the only wealthy country in the world not to offer our citizens paid family leave. Same with universal health care. Mental health support is inaccessible for most of us. Child care costs as much as a mortgage. It’s really gross and something my strong sense of justice hyperfocuses on, which leaves me in a general state of rage most of the time. (I’m working on it.)
But I digress. (Of course I do. #ADHD.)
On top of it, many of us made it through school without learning a single thing, because the educational system is set up for compliance, and neurodivergent folks tend to struggle with that. Either that, or, since girls are taught to be quiet. Be nice. Don’t inconvenience anyone with your silly questions… Lots of ND girls went undiagnosed and instead of acting out, they dialed in so tight that they ended up with massive anxiety for their whole lives. So many of us, in an effort to mask our disabilities, instead become perfectionists, people-pleasers, and control freaks.
And while none of that is helpful in regular life, I can promise you that none of those personality traits will help you have a more enjoyable postpartum. Trust me. I lived it.
The Birth Class That Changed Everything
After I lost my baby, I immediately enrolled in an 8-week birth preparation class. This was a serious investment for both me and my then husband. We weren't even pregnant again yet, but I needed to know everything.
And the class seriously changed the trajectory of my life. I walked in on the first day and saw a book on the facilitator's bookshelf about water birth. I said to her, "I would love to have a water birth but I'm too afraid to give birth outside of the hospital." By the end of the series, I was too afraid to give birth inside of a hospital.
Of course, the universe has many lessons to teach, so when we were ready to start trying again, we tried and tried and tried. Nothing. We went through a couple of rounds of IUI and then IVF.
I was so excited when it worked - on the first try! I felt great throughout my whole pregnancy, even with the hormones. I loved being pregnant. I loved feeling his little kicks inside of me. I read everything I could get my hands on about parenting and birth, but I never read anything about planning for myself during the postpartum period.
The Reality Check
I thought I was prepared, honestly I did. But, turns out I was completely unprepared when I had that baby, who, by the way, decided to flip breech and stay that way, so my planned homebirth morphed into a C-section.
But yeah, I was completely unprepared and totally blindsided. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I knew very little about myself at the time, which brings me to the number one piece of advice I would give any pregnant person, especially pregnant for the first time: learn about yourself. Your needs, your desires, your boundaries, your routines, what makes you feel joy.
So many of us just blindly walk through life, myself included, just following a path that someone else paved for us, instead of really self-reflecting and figuring out the answers to the big questions: Who am I? What do I want?
If that's you, I really encourage you to dig deep and learn as much as you can about yourself.
My Postpartum Awakening
But for me? I didn't realize how important my routines were for the structure of my day. I didn't realize how sensitive to noise and light I was. I didn't realize how sensitive I was to being touched. Breastfeeding felt icky and strange to me. I wasn't prepared for any of this. I had no idea that's how I would feel. I just expected to have a "normal" postpartum experience - you know, like the ones you see on TV and the ones your friends talk about and post on their Instagram feeds.
But I didn't get any of that. Everything was a bazillion times harder than I expected it to be. And only recently did I learn that none of it was because I wasn’t cut out for this, it was all harder because I have a brain that’s considered “different” from the standard. I experience everything differently than neurotypicals do, and I had no idea. I honestly thought I was “normal.”
Sound the Alarm
I cannot say this clearly or loudly enough: if you are ADHD or autistic or think you might be, now is the time to find out. Whether you get evaluated by a neuropsychologist, get a full-blown assessment that costs thousands of dollars, or just take a couple of online assessments and read some books, I encourage you to do some digging. Any amount will help.
Learn about what traits you find in a neurodivergent person. If a lot of them resonate and you're like, "Wait, huh, interesting…" get curious. It just might save your early motherhood experience.
I'm not saying that you're going to have a sucky postpartum if you are neurodivergent or a people-pleaser or perfectionist or control freak (side note: those are all characteristics of being Divergent as well as a strong sense of justice). I’m just saying you have to prepare differently.
a Different Path
You need different tools, different strategies, and a different mindset. And that's why I'm so freaking excited to roll out this workshop I've created just for moms like you and me.
The workshop, tentatively called "The Neurodivergent Pregnancy Journey," covers everything you need to consider as you plan for birth and baby. As a certified childbirth educator through BirthWorks International, a trained and experienced doula (birth and postpartum), a Fair Play facilitator, "Bringing Baby Home" educator, and placenta specialist, I've been working with the perinatal community since 2010 and I've noticed a gaping hole in care in general for all moms, but specifically for neurodivergent moms.
This workshop is going to be fun. You're going to learn so much valuable and easy-to-digest information. I’m a former public school educator with two kids in the school system, so everything is fully optimized for ADHD brains.
And what I’m most excited about is making new friends, and connecting you with other ND moms that you can go through this whole neurodivergent parenting thing with. It's going to be amazing. I promise.
Join Us
I'm ridiculously excited for this, and I want you to be part of it. Please check out the workshop description page and get yourself on the waitlist… and definitely share with your divergent-brained friends who could benefit from a workshop like this. Let's make this happen. Let's create a space for neurodivergent moms in South Jersey.
Are you with me? Yes? CLICK HERE to learn more and then get yourself on the waitlist!
