More Diagnoses, Please
When I was a kid in the 1980s, ADHD in girls wasn’t a thing. That doesn’t mean girls with ADHD didn’t exist. It just means they didn’t see us.
ADHD Shows Up Differently in Girls
Since ADHD shows up differently across genders, it was actually pretty easy for us to be missed.
Boys tend to show behaviors we can see like impulsivity and hyperactivity. You know, the annoying kid who never sits still. The kid with a million questions. The “class clown.”
Girls, on the other hand, tend to internalize our symptoms. We work really hard to hide them so we don’t stand out. We become master adaptors, learning to mask our neurological differences with layers of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and rigid control systems.
And then we’re labeled as “good girls,” perfectionists, and control freaks.
We spend a lot of our energy on compensation and "figuring it out," until one day, the dam bursts. And we just can’t anymore.
Unfortunately for us (and our babies), this often happens in during our postpartum, when hormones are all over the place, sleep is lacking, and we’re learning how to manage a whole new heap of responsibilities — you know, keeping a baby alive and thriving.
The ADHD Diagnosis Gap
There are so many of us who’ve navigated pregnancy, birth, and postpartum with a different kind of brain,and different needs, preferences, and desires that were often minimized, mocked, and ignored.
And then, unfortunately, instead of ADHD, we're often misdiagnosed with postpartum anxiety or depression. We’re given Lexapro or Zoloft and sent on our merry way. We might feel better on the meds, but when the meds we’re prescribed aren’t addressing the root cause (the ADHD) we often find ourselves feeling a little better, but we still struggle.
And then we start to blame ourselves even more. Try even harder. Until we either shut down or lose it altogether.
This. A’int. Cool.
Check out these statistics:
43% of women receive their ADHD diagnosis between the ages of 41 and 50
Postpartum depression rates are similarly stark: 17% of ADHD mothers versus 3.3% of others
I point this out because in our society we often hear things like, “Everyone’s a little ADHD.” The symptoms gets brushed off, so evven those of us WITH ADHD don’t take it seriously.
Until it’s too late. Until the damage has been done. Until the suffering has ensued.
The "What If" Game I play
I spend an insane amount of time imagining how things would be different if we knew. How much different would our individual lives be? How much different would the world be? I think about the life I might be living today if I'd known about my ADHD before I became a mom. If I’d had the skills, strategies, tools, words, support, medication, and community…
Would I have had postpartum anxiety?
Would I have returned to work instead of leaving my career?
Would I still be married?
Would my children be different?
Would I be happier? Would they be?
My Own (Undiagnosed) Experience
I remember the physical trauma of giving birth to my tiny 22-weeker with visceral clarity. I remember the anger I felt for years afterwards because the whole thing felt so unfair.
I remember the feeling of helplessness and paralysis I felt from the epidural. I hated that feeling.
I remember the poking and prodding, the hopes and heartbreaks of infertility treatments. I remember how strong everyone believed I was. But I wasn’t.
I remember my body being cut open by a stranger, the tugging of surgical instruments, being pumped so full of drugs I couldn’t hold my newborn. I remember not having the words to explain how it felt. Later in life I figured it out. I felt violated.
I remember shaking so violently from the anesthesia I thought I might die.
I remember the awkward, inconsistent sensation of nursing that made me cringe.
I remember the blind anxiety I felt while driving with a screaming infant in the backseat while my heart raced so fast I worried I would have a heart attack.
I remember holding my baby through the night, sleepless and overwhelmed, because I couldn’t handle his crying… cries that weren’t just distress signals but triggers for my own sensory meltdown.
I remember giving birth in my bedroom and feeling inadequate because I couldn’t feel my body and accept the contractions the way I was “supposed to.”
I remember desperately needing time off from thinking and worrying but never being able to ask for it or take it.
I remember the absolute fear I felt that something bad would happen to my baby and believing that if anyone could protect him.
I remember doubting my ability to protect him because I’d failed before.
I remember there were happy times but because I was wound up so tight I feel like I missed them.
What Would Feel Different?
What would it feel like without the crushing guilt? Without the shame that whispered I was failing at the most fundamental human task? Something I had prayed and wished and begged the universe for.
What would it feel like to stop blaming myself, to recognize that trying harder wasn't the solution? That there was no trying hard enough that could make it easier. That I needed help rather than self-reproach?
What would it feel like to know there was nothing wrong with me... and nothing wrong with my baby? That I hadn't broken him already.
The Reddit Revelation
This line of questioning led me to Reddit. I mean, I knew that having a diagnosis wouldn’t make having an ADHD pregnancy easy, but I imagined it would be different. I was just hoping to get some insight into how pregnant people with ADHD and a diagnosis feel about it all.
I thread-hopped for hours and felt this weird mix of validation and envy as I read through the comments. It was nice to know I wasn’t alone. And that my experiences weren’t as unusual as I thought.
But I also felt kind of upset. Because they KNOW. They have the words, the framework, and the understanding that I think would have changed everything for me. They know they have ADHD, they know ADHD makes everything harder, AND they know it’s the ADHD. They know they’re not incapable failures at life.
They bame their executive functions, their nervous system, and their emotional dysregulation... not themselves. Lots of them have medications that help them manage, and they all had each other.
I wonder how different things would have been for me if I'd had any of that. I wonder how different the world would be if we all had all of that.
Common ADHD Pregnancy Themes
The Medication Paradox
The internal "stay on vs. go off" battle carries massive guilt either way.
Fear of being labeled "irresponsible" for continuing medication
Terror of becoming completely unfunctional without it
Research rabbit holes about medication safety
Conflicting medical advice
Horror stories about nurses who confuse prescription stimulants with illicit drugs
The Hormonal Rollercoaster
Some ADHD women love being pregnant.
Estrogen's dopamine-enhancing effects can temporarily lessen ADHD symptoms
Women with PMDD often enjoy pregnancy as a respite from monthly hormonal hell
And some hate it.
Some talk about how their bodies feel alien to them
Some are super creeped out by the feeling of the baby moving around inside of them
Either way, the postpartum crash hits us extra hard.
As estrogen drops, ADHD symptoms intensify dramatically
Combine worsened executive function with sleep deprivation and new-mother responsibilities
The statistical correlation between ADHD and postpartum depression becomes tragically predictable
Vanishing Executive Functions
Pregnancy ADHD creates a super fun version of cognitive impairment.
Simple tasks like brushing teeth can require massive effort
The ability to plan, organize, and follow through can go out the window completely
Dropping all those balls usually leads to self-blame and sometimes self-loathing
Every Symptom is DOOM
ADHD anxiety amplifies normal pregnancy fears into catastrophic possibilities.
Your headache is definitely preeclampsia
That weird cramping is probably a miscarriage
The queasiness that was here yesterday but gone today obviously means your baby has stopped growing
Women with ADHD obsessively monitor symptoms
ADHD pregnant folks worry about being judged for taking meds
They often label themselves as a "bad mom" before their baby has even arrived
The "Normal Pregnancy" Comparison Trap
We scroll social media and see those serene pregnancy photos. You know, the glowing woman with the perfect baby bump, the perfect nursery, the organic smoothie, the peaceful meditation practice.
Meanwhile, we can barely remember to take our prenatal vitamins.
The comparison can make us feel shame and guilt
When you've got RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria), it feels like everyone is doing the mom thing way better
So you read more books and buy more stuff
You try harder
But nothing seems to work
The Support System
What we need most is community. We especially need other neurodivergent parents in our world who understand that:
Forgetting appointments isn't carelessness and doesn’t mean we’re dumb, incapable, or "air headed"
Our struggles aren't moral failings… they're just neurological differences
We need different tools, strategies, and systems… not judgement and criticism
If You’re in South Jersey, come hang out!
The ADHD Birth Class is specifically designed for parents like us.
This isn't your typical birth prep class. It’s led by me, an AuDHD mom, educator, and birth worker. It’s the class I wish I’d had when I was first pregnant. Everything is optimized for ADHDers AND you’ll meet parents you’re likely to vibe with.
This is more than a class… it’s the community you've been searching for, the understanding you've earned, and the roadmap you need.
Spots are purposely limited to ease overwhelm and social discomfort.
Get on the waitlist now and be the first to snag your place when enrollment opens.
Stop worrying and start prepping—in a way that aligns with your needs, your desires, and your brain.
