What If I’d Known ABout My ADHD?

When I was a kid in the 1980s, ADHD in girls wasn’t a thing. That doesn’t mean we didn’t exist. It just means we live under patriarchy, so girls’ symptoms were invisible, and our struggles were mistaken for character flaws.

We were just missed.

How ADHD Shows Up Differently in Girls

Since ADHD manifests differently across genders, it was actually pretty easy for us to be missed.

While boys tend to show externalizing behaviors we can see like impulsivity and hyperactivity. Girls, on the other hand, tend to internalize our struggles. We become master adaptors, learning to mask our neurological differences with layers of:

• Perfectionism - We believe if we're perfect enough, no one will notice our struggles

• People-pleasing - We prioritize others' needs to avoid conflict and judgment

• Rigid control systems - We create elaborate structures to compensate for executive function challenges

We learn to compensate, to "figure it out," until the dam inevitably bursts—which often happens in either postpartum or perimenopause, when hormonal fluctuations overwhelm our coping mechanisms.

The ADHD Diagnosis Gap

Unfortunately, we're frequently misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression instead of identifying the real culprit: ADHD.

Consider these statistics:

• 43% of women receive their ADHD diagnosis between the ages of 41 and 50

• Between 2020 and 2022, the percentage of women newly diagnosed with ADHD in their 20s and 30s nearly doubled

• Women with ADHD are five times more likely to experience postpartum anxiety (25% vs 4.61% of non-ADHD women)

• Postpartum depression rates are similarly stark: 17% of ADHD mothers versus 3.3% of others

Every statistic represents a life, a mother, a family navigating preventable suffering—women who navigated pregnancy, birth, and postpartum with a different kind of brain, and different needs, preferences, and desires that were often minimized, mocked, and ignored.

The "What If" Game

Sometimes I find myself wondering about the alternative reality. The life I might be living today if I'd known about my ADHD before pregnancy.

• Would I have experienced crushing postpartum anxiety?

• Would I have returned to work instead of leaving my career?

• Would I still be married?

• Would my children be different?

• Would I be happier? Would they be?

The questions haunt me.

My Own (Undiagnosed) Experience

• I remember the physical trauma of giving birth to my tiny 22-weeker with visceral clarity.

• I remember the poking and prodding, the hopes and heartbreaks of infertility treatments.

• I remember my body being cut open by a stranger, the tugging of surgical instruments, being pumped so full of drugs I couldn’t hold my newborn.

• I remember shaking so violently I thought I might die.

• I remember the awkward, inconsistent sensation of nursing that made me cringe.

• I remember the blind anxiety I felt while driving with a screaming infant in the backseat while my heart raced so fast I worried I would have a heart attack.

• I remember holding my baby through the night, sleepless and overwhelmed, because I couldn’t handle his crying… cries that weren’t just distress signals but triggers for my own sensory meltdown. 

What Would Feel Different?

What would it feel like without the crushing guilt? Without the shame that whispered I was failing at the most fundamental human task? Something I had prayed and wished and begged the universe for.

What would it feel like to stop blaming myself, to recognize that trying harder wasn't the solution? That there was no trying hard enough that could make it easier. That I needed help rather than self-reproach?

What would it feel like to know there was nothing wrong with me... and nothing wrong with my baby? That I hadn't broken him already.

The Reddit Revelation

This line of questioning led me to Reddit the other morning. I was hoping to get insight into how pregnant people with ADHD and a diagnosis navigate their adventure.

I thread-hopped for hours and felt this weird mix of validation and envy:

• Validation that I wasn't crazy and that my experiences were real

• Envy that they KNOW. They have the words, the framework, and the understanding that I think would have changed everything for me

They brought up relatable and familiar topics like executive function crashes, sensory overwhelm, and emotional dysregulation. Many had their medications. And most importantly, they had each other.

I wonder how different things would have been for me if I'd had any of that. I wonder how different the world would be if we all had all of that.

The ADHD Pregnancy Experience

The themes that showed up paint a clear picture of what the ADHD pregnancy journey really looks like:

The Medication Paradox

The agonizing "stay on vs. go off" battle carries massive guilt either way.

• Fear of being labeled "irresponsible" for continuing medication

• Terror of becoming completely unfunctional without it

• Research rabbit holes about medication safety

• Conflicting medical advice

• Horror stories about nurses who confuse prescription stimulants with illicit drugs

The Hormonal Rollercoaster

Some ADHD women find pregnancy surprisingly freeing.

• Estrogen's dopamine-enhancing effects can temporarily lessen ADHD symptoms

• Women with PMDD often enjoy pregnancy as a respite from monthly hormonal hell

• But the postpartum crash hits us extra hard

• As estrogen drops, ADHD symptoms intensify dramatically

• Combine worsened executive function with sleep deprivation and new-mother responsibilities

• The statistical correlation between ADHD and postpartum depression becomes tragically predictable

The Vanishing Executive Functions

Pregnancy ADHD creates a unique form of cognitive impairment.

• Pregnancy brain fog when you've got ADHD is more than basic forgetfulness

• It erodes whatever semblance of executive functions we started with

• Simple tasks require Herculean effort

• The ability to plan, organize, and follow through goes out the window completely

• Usually replaced by self-loathing

Every Symptom is DOOM

ADHD anxiety amplifies normal pregnancy fears into catastrophic possibilities.

• Your headache is definitely preeclampsia

• That weird cramping is probably a miscarriage

• The queasiness that was here yesterday but gone today obviously means your baby has stopped growing

• Women with ADHD obsessively monitor symptoms

• Worry about being judged for taking meds

• Often label themselves as a "bad mom" before their baby has even arrived

The "Normal Pregnancy" Comparison Trap

We scroll social media and see those serene pregnancy photos—the glowing woman with the perfect baby bump, the organic smoothie, the peaceful meditation practice.

Meanwhile, we can barely remember to take our prenatal vitamins.

• The comparison adds layers of shame on top of our pre-existing neurological challenges

• When you've got RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria), it feels like everyone is doing the mom thing way better

• So you read more books and buy more stuff

• You try harder

• But nothing seems to work

The Support System SOS

What we need most is community—especially other neurodivergent parents who understand that:

• Forgetting appointments isn't carelessness or being "airheaded"

• It's neurobiology

• Our brains work differently

• Our struggles aren't moral failings—they're just neurological realities

You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone

The ADHD Birth Class is specifically designed for parents like us.

This isn't just another class—it's the community you've been searching for, the understanding you've earned, and the roadmap you need.

Spots are limited to maintain the intimate, transformative experience every participant deserves. And to ease overwhelm and social discomfort.

Get on the waitlist now and be the first to claim your place when enrollment opens.

Stop worrying and start prepping—in a way that aligns with your needs, your desires, and your neurotype.